Living with depression

There are so many misconceptions about being bipolar, clinical, seasonal, situational and emotional depression. The causes of depression may all be different by the symptoms are similar. And there is no easy fix. I hear “Go to the doctor” all the time, the doctor isn’t a magic cure.  There is no magic pill that instantly makes it better. Let me repeat that. THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL THAT MAKES IT INSTANTLY MAKES IT BETTER.  Yes, the doctor can write out a script for pills but they take a while to get into your system and that’s after you decide to go to the doctor. In reality we are talking about dealing with depression for at least 6 weeks before someone starts to feel better with medical help.  What are you supposed to do in those six weeks?

As a person who is dealing with depression right now at this very moment I can tell you it’s hell. I wake up every morning exhausted and the first thing I want to do is cry. Why do I want to cry? Here’s a list:

  • I woke up
  • The sun is shining
  • I’m alone
  • There are people in the house
  • There are cats in the house
  • Pumpkin is not on my bed
  • Pumpkin is on my bed
  • The tv is on
  • The tv is not on or its on the wrong channel.
  • It’s cloudy
  • The phone is ringing
  • I slept too late
  • I woke up too early

As you can see, NONE of these reasons make sense. No sense at all. But they are reasons that make me cry every morning. So what do I do about it? First you should know that I’ve very anti drug for my bipolar. I have so many health problems that I take pills for that I don’t want to take any more pills. So over 30 years I have tried to manage this illness on my own. Is that the smartest thing? No, I’ve ended up in the hospital a couple of times.

I know the signs of depression. The first thing to go when I’m getting depressed is my creativity. I don’t want to take pictures, I don’t want to draw, to write, to build, to sew, to cook or to do anything. I don’t want to shower. I don’t want to eat. But I have certain responsibilities that I have to attend to and they become chores, some of them are no longer done out of love, it’s simply done because I have to do them. Like cooking. I have to cook for the kids. If I don’t cook for them they get frozen pizzas or tv dinners. Of course, I won’t lie, sometimes when I do cook for them they get those same things. But if I don’t cook for them they don’t get veggies. I will say that even though it’s a chore to take care of the cats, It’s still done with love. LOTS OF LOVE. Because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they love me back. I know that they appreciate the food that I give them and the care that I take with them. So if I had to pick something that got me out of bed every day it would be taking care of the cats. I’m a crazy cat lady because they are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and the reason I haven’t killed myself.

So what’s the point of this blog post? If you know someone in your life that has depression, if they are just “social media” friends and you look up one day and you haven’t heard from them in a couple of weeks, reach out. Find out why. They are probably suffering in silence. If you look at your social media friends profile and see nothing, there’s a problem. You can’t fix it, but you can offer a shoulder, an ear, do something to cheer them up. Let them know that someone is thinking about them. Send them a card in the mail, Send them a message on facebook, send them an email, pick up the phone and listen to them. Don’t let them suffer in silence because honestly it may get to a point where all you ever get from them again is silence.

No matter what form of depression a person has there is no quick fix. But if you love them or care for them, you can help them by being a lifeline. Throw it to them, don’t expect someone else to do it, don’t wait for someone else to do it.

Who would make sure he was fed if I wasn't here.
Who would make sure he was fed if I wasn’t here.

One thought on “Living with depression

  1. My cats are honestly the only reason I’m still here. Like you said, who would feed them if I was gone. Depression sucks.

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