Monthly Archives: May 2016

Living with depression

There are so many misconceptions about being bipolar, clinical, seasonal, situational and emotional depression. The causes of depression may all be different by the symptoms are similar. And there is no easy fix. I hear “Go to the doctor” all the time, the doctor isn’t a magic cure.  There is no magic pill that instantly makes it better. Let me repeat that. THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL THAT MAKES IT INSTANTLY MAKES IT BETTER.  Yes, the doctor can write out a script for pills but they take a while to get into your system and that’s after you decide to go to the doctor. In reality we are talking about dealing with depression for at least 6 weeks before someone starts to feel better with medical help.  What are you supposed to do in those six weeks?

As a person who is dealing with depression right now at this very moment I can tell you it’s hell. I wake up every morning exhausted and the first thing I want to do is cry. Why do I want to cry? Here’s a list:

  • I woke up
  • The sun is shining
  • I’m alone
  • There are people in the house
  • There are cats in the house
  • Pumpkin is not on my bed
  • Pumpkin is on my bed
  • The tv is on
  • The tv is not on or its on the wrong channel.
  • It’s cloudy
  • The phone is ringing
  • I slept too late
  • I woke up too early

As you can see, NONE of these reasons make sense. No sense at all. But they are reasons that make me cry every morning. So what do I do about it? First you should know that I’ve very anti drug for my bipolar. I have so many health problems that I take pills for that I don’t want to take any more pills. So over 30 years I have tried to manage this illness on my own. Is that the smartest thing? No, I’ve ended up in the hospital a couple of times.

I know the signs of depression. The first thing to go when I’m getting depressed is my creativity. I don’t want to take pictures, I don’t want to draw, to write, to build, to sew, to cook or to do anything. I don’t want to shower. I don’t want to eat. But I have certain responsibilities that I have to attend to and they become chores, some of them are no longer done out of love, it’s simply done because I have to do them. Like cooking. I have to cook for the kids. If I don’t cook for them they get frozen pizzas or tv dinners. Of course, I won’t lie, sometimes when I do cook for them they get those same things. But if I don’t cook for them they don’t get veggies. I will say that even though it’s a chore to take care of the cats, It’s still done with love. LOTS OF LOVE. Because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they love me back. I know that they appreciate the food that I give them and the care that I take with them. So if I had to pick something that got me out of bed every day it would be taking care of the cats. I’m a crazy cat lady because they are the reason I get out of bed in the morning and the reason I haven’t killed myself.

So what’s the point of this blog post? If you know someone in your life that has depression, if they are just “social media” friends and you look up one day and you haven’t heard from them in a couple of weeks, reach out. Find out why. They are probably suffering in silence. If you look at your social media friends profile and see nothing, there’s a problem. You can’t fix it, but you can offer a shoulder, an ear, do something to cheer them up. Let them know that someone is thinking about them. Send them a card in the mail, Send them a message on facebook, send them an email, pick up the phone and listen to them. Don’t let them suffer in silence because honestly it may get to a point where all you ever get from them again is silence.

No matter what form of depression a person has there is no quick fix. But if you love them or care for them, you can help them by being a lifeline. Throw it to them, don’t expect someone else to do it, don’t wait for someone else to do it.

Who would make sure he was fed if I wasn't here.
Who would make sure he was fed if I wasn’t here.

How to turn a victim into a villian

A long time ago in a galaxy known as Yahoo there were things known as “chat rooms” and they were nice places where people of like minds to get together, talk and form lasting relationships. Sadly not all these relationships wonderful.

I bring you the tale of one such “chat room” for the purpose of this blog we will call it Religious River. And in the beginning it was great, it started out on  IRC and moved to Yahoo Chat where people who sit for hours keeping the room open so that others would find the room and gather. Before long a great group of people became regulars. Husbands and wives were there, mothers and daughters, roommates, housewives looking for others who believed the way they did, it was a great gathering. And in the beginning it was beautiful.

And then came the tricksters, the troublemakers, the hate bringers. At first they were fun, they told jokes and made people laugh. That’s what tricksters do. They made friends because not everyone wanted to have serious conversations and share ideas all the time. And there was a division in the chat room.

Then came along the males who introduced cybersex. And the women in the group started fighting over the affections of the males in the group. Sides were taken in some cases and people sat on fences and said “Oh I can’t be upset with anyone because you are all my friends.”

And then real life smacked the chat room and one of the “beloved” members who helped start the room was arrested for child molestation. And the room was divided. The child molester told the same lies that all child molesters tell and people who sat on fences believed him over the victim. The 12 year old victim and her mother were obviously lying. This man could never rape a child. Just like he could never setup cameras in the girls bathroom of his blind brothers teen club and watch the videos of young girls changing clothes. And the only child porn he EVER downloaded was for “research” and he only kept a copy of what he was turning into the police just in case the cops lost the evidence. All of that was believable over the word of the cops, the doctors, the child and the mother.

So the chat room turned on the mother and the child, the child was not a victim but one of the two villains who took the beloved member of the group away.  And then one of the group decided that it was not the child’s fault, it was the mother! The mother was evil and vile and the person contacted the child and tried to convince the child to run away from the mother and hide on a farm where there were other teenagers hiding from their horrible parents.

Now we flash forward, the mother has moved on with her life, the child has moved on with her life. Both are contributing members of their communities. But recently the mother found out that there is a group on facebook dedicated to the chat room. So the mother joined. She was amazed to find that after 20 years, because she protected her daughter and didn’t take any shit from this group of people, she’s still a villain. Someone recently wanted to join the group and because the didn’t know who it was, they automatically assumed it was the mother because the daughter was on the friends list.

The child molester….he’s on the sex offenders list, spent 6 years in jail, got out, stalked the victim and went back to jail to serve the rest of his term. And he’s not allowed on computers or the internet for the rest of his life.

But….the victim and her mother are the villains.